Dear Sammy
by Secretlyademigodinthetardis
Summary: Cas is gone, and Dean is lost. Don't wanna give anything away, but I had this idea, and so I wrote it and I hope it's liked. Destiel, major character death. Oneshot, rated M for language.


**AN: This is actually pretty sad. Had the idea, wrote it, yeah**

* * *

It was a regular hunt, and it should've stayed that way. They should've ganked the son of a bitch and gone back to the shitty motel, with Sam in a separate room because….well, it's not like he ever wanted to witness what Dean and Cas got up to when they were alone together, not since they'd finally become something…more than friends.

Only it wasn't a regular hunt, and Castiel discovered the price of his newfound humanity all too well. He died with Dean's name on his lips, staring into the green eyes of the hunter he had given everything for.

He was killed by a gunshot wound to the heart, of all things. Why a vampire needed a gun, Dean would never know. Sam took care of the vampire as Dean collapsed next to the unmoving body of his best friend. Best friend, lover, partner…..there weren't sufficient words to describe what he had with Cas. And now he was gone, and he wasn't coming back. His grace had finally left him, and Dean sobbed for the first time in years as he clung to the far too human corpse of the man he loved more than life itself.

* * *

They gave him a hunter's funeral that night. Knowing there was no chance of his resurrection, and knowing Cas would never want to come back as a spirit, it was the only thing they could do. Dean barely spoke, and when they got back to the motel, Sam watched as he went to the room he had shared with Cas and locked the door behind him silently.

Sam sighed, too wrapped up in his own grief over losing someone he had come to see as a brother, and seeing Dean completely shut down like that, to try and talk to his older brother yet. He went in search of food, hoping to find a pie that would at least get Dean talking.

Meanwhile, Dean, curled up in sheets that still smelled of Cas, rolled over. He was lost in the memories he had of the ex-angel.

* * *

_The stars were unusually bright that night, and Dean took another sip of his beer as he stared up at the night sky, going over the day's events in his mind._

"_Dean, we need to talk."_

_Dean turned around at the familiar voice, stomach clenching as it always did when Cas was around._

"_Dammit, Cas, how do you still do that? I thought your mojo was gone!"_

"_My…'mojo', as you call it, is slowly departing. I cannot fly, Dean, you were simply thinking too hard to notice my approach"_

"_Right." There was an awkward pause as Dean sat up from where he had been lying on the hood of the Impala to properly look at Cas. "What's the word, Cas?"_

"_I'm falling Dean."_

"_Yeah, we've been through that man. Anything else, or do you just wanna have the same conversation again?" Dean was faintly irritated now, but he couldn't properly bring himself to be angry at the guy. __**Dammit, when did Cas get that adorable? **_

_**No. **_

_**Did not just think that.**_

…_**I should probably say something.**_

_**Shit.**_

"_So, why are you here?"_

"_Dean, I…I'm falling, and I can't stop it. Soon, I'll have nothing, and I'll be useless. I'll be a 'baby in a trench-coat', as you once so accurately put it. Because of this, I know you will not want me around anymore. This is probably one of the last times we will see each other, and I just wanted to apologise for all the times I've let you down. For all the times I betrayed you. I know that falling is supposed to be a punishment, but the only thing that will be a punishment is never being able to see you again. I care for you a great deal, Dean Winchester."_

_Dean gaped in astonishment. After a couple of seconds of simply staring at Cas, he found his voice._

"_Cas, you friggin' idiot, why would I not want you around? You're my best friend, man. And you're not useless, you're awesome, and even if you were useless I'd still want you around. You and Sammy, you're my family. I don't know what I'd do without you, so don't you dare say I don't want you around. Don't ever say that, and don't ever leave me because I swear to your asshole father I will find you and bring you back to me. I can't lose you, not like I've lost everyone else I care about"_

_As he spoke, he slid off the Impala and walked to where Cas was standing. Castiel stared at Dean, stupidly huge blue eyes shining._

"_Thank you, Dean"_

"_Oh, shut up," Dean muttered, and before Cas could ask what he meant, Dean pulled the falling angel towards him so that they were nose to nose. _

"_Please, don't hate me after this," Dean murmured, his eyes lidded and his breath ghosting over Cas' parted lips. Cas swallowed._

"_After wha-"_

_Dean's mouth brushed against his own, and Dean felt his stomach do wild backflips as Cas gave a small gasp and pushed back against him, firmly attaching his mouth to Dean's and leaving no room for thought._

_It only lasted a few seconds, and when Dean pulled back Cas' eyes were wider than ever, and he reached up to touch his fingers to his lips as he stared at the hunter in wonder._

"_Sorry," Dean muttered, staring at his feet. "I…that…I've just been wanting to do that for a while, ok?"_

"_Dean"_

"…_what"_

"_Shut up"_

_And now it was Cas' turn to pull Dean towards him and kiss him with more emotion than he could ever remember feeling, and the two men smiled against the other's mouth as they became entwined, neither wanting to ever let the other go._

"_I'll never leave you Dean," Cas whispered after pulling back. "I promise."_

"_Cas, I…..I've felt like this for a while and if it freaks you out I'm sorry but I just…I don't wanna live without you. I don't think it's possible."_

_They lay back on the Impala, and looked up at the stars, holding each other as if they would never let go._

* * *

Dean stared up at the ceiling, hating himself for the thoughts that were running through his head. Fresh tears ran down the tracks that were on his cheeks, and he ignored them, wishing that he could turn back the clock and take the bullet that had stolen Cas' heart from him.

But he couldn't, and there was nothing Dean could do to bring him back.

He found the nearest pen and paper, and began to write.

* * *

Sam had just pulled into the parking lot of the motel when he heard the gunshot.

Everything went into slow motion as he sprinted to where Dean and Cas' room lay, dropping the cheeseburgers and pie he'd purchased with such care. The locked door flew off its hinges with the force of his kick, and he fell to his knees next to what he'd known would be there the second he heard the gun.

Dean lay on the bed, spread-eagled, blood pouring from a gunshot wound to his neck.

"Fuck, no, Dean!"

"….Sammy?"

"Dean?"

"Screwed up, Sammy"

Sam cradled Dean in his arms. Of all the times he had seen Dean die, this was by far the worst, because Sam knew it would be the final time.

"You fucking idiot, why?"

"….'m sorry, Sammy. Can't…..can't even…." Dean's chest heaved, and his eyes started to glass over. "Can't even kill myself right…..meant to…die right away."

"You can't just leave me, you fucking asshole!"

"Sammy….gonna see Cas now, Sammy. Love 'im, ya know? Sorry…..for leaving…letting you down again….."

"You're my big brother, Dean. You could never let me down"

"Gonna see Castiel now, Sam. Gonna…see….Cas"

And with that, Dean's eyes finally glazed over, and he slumped in Sam's arms, a faint smile still touching his lips from when he'd said Cas' name. Sam lay his head to his older brother's chest, and sobbed.

When the ambulance finally arrived at the motel, brought there by panicked calls from the owner, they found a still crying Sam hugging his dead brother's body, covered in blood.

* * *

Sam burned Dean's body. He cleared the rooms of their possessions, and loaded up the Impala.

He glanced around the sparse room, noticing something on the bedside table.

_What the…._

It was a note. Sam picked it up, heart twisting at the tear-stained words.

_Dear Sammy,_

_You're one of the best hunters I know, besides me. That's how I know you'll be okay. You're so damn well-adjusted, I don't know how you do it. I wish I was more like you. You're one of my heroes, and if you ever tell anyone I just said that, I'll haunt your ass 'til Kingdom come._

_You'll be just fine, little brother. I believe in you._

_I suck at goodbyes, but I'm doing my best here. Because this is goodbye, and this is the most selfish thing I've ever done, and I am so sorry._

_Everyone leaves me, Sam. Mom, Dad, Lisa, Ben, even you for a little bit, and now Cas. _

_God, I love him so fucking much it scares me, and I don't know how it got to this point, and now he's gone and he promised me he wouldn't leave. _

_He isn't coming back, and I know I could try and live without him, but I can't. You and him…you're my reasons for living, and I know you'll be okay without me because you've done it before. Don't try and bring me back, because I wanna be with him. Please. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. _

_I promised him, I promised him I wouldn't let him be alone. And now he's alone, and I gotta be with him. That dorky nerd needs someone looking after him, and I don't know where he is, but I'll find him, and I'll be with him, and that's all I want. It's all I've wanted for so long now, and now I can be with him and not hunt anymore and I'm sorry, Sammy._

_You don't remember, but Mom used to tell us that angels were watching over us, just when she was kissing us goodnight. I never believed her until I met Cas._

_You know I never actually told him I love him? I thought there was gonna be time for that, and now he's gone, and I can't tell him unless I go too. I should've told him. I should have told him every damn day, and I didn't, because I'm an idiot._

_Shit, I'm sorry for rambling, and I'm sorry for sounding so freaking sappy, but if I'm gonna go, I'm gonna say whatever the hell I want._

_Find that chick, Amelia, and quit hunting. I know you love her, and our job is done. No more Apocalypse, no more Leviathan, no more Purgatory. Be happy, and please do this, for me. This is the only way I can look after you now. You can do this, and you're gonna grow old and have the whole white picket fence deal. I could never have that life, but you can._

_Angels are watching over you._

_Bye, Sammy_

Sam crumpled up the paper in his fist, and began to cry.

* * *

Sam finally died, aged 80 years old, surrounded by his family. Amelia, his kids, and their kids all said goodbye to him, and as his eyes closed for the last time, Amelia could've sworn she heard a faint "Dean…."

Only she would ever know what that meant.

* * *

Sam opened his eyes. A warm light flooded his vision, and he sat up. He was in a field, and he could hear faint music nearby. There was a building, and a familiar black car stood outside.

"Sammy!"

Sam's heart leapt to his throat at the deep voice that sounded out, and he smiled through the tears that blurred his vision.

Dean stood there, beaming at Sam, arm wrapped around Castiel, who was smiling at Sam but his gaze continued to flicker to stare up at Dean, staring at him as if he was the only thing that would ever matter to him. And next to them were more familiar faces.

"…Mom? Dad?"

Mary and John Winchester smiled.

"Sam. We're so proud of you"

Sam said the only thing that ran through his mind.

"Is that…the Roadhouse?"

A faint snort came from nearby. Sam turned and saw Bobby, Ellen, Jo and Ash, who were looking at him fondly.

"I'm dead, aren't I?"

Dean looked at him, sadness crossing his face.

"Yeah, Sammy. But you did it. And I couldn't be prouder of my stupid, punk ass baby brother"

Dean reached out and hugged him, and Sam hugged him back, before they all headed into the Roadhouse.

Before they could go in, however, Castiel tugged at Dean's arm.

"What is it, Cas?"

"Dean, I never properly thanked you for everything. You've done so much for me, and I – "

Dean shut him up by kissing him, smiling.

"Cas, you never have to thank me for anything. I love you, and I always will."

"I love you too, Dean"

"Then let's go and get a drink with my baby brother"

And they walked inside.

* * *

**AN: Sappy ending, I know. Please leave reviews!**


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